AKA: “Is It Me? Am I the Drama?”

So, your house has been sitting on the market longer than a forgotten sausage roll in a school tuck shop. You’ve vacuumed the carpet so many times it’s developed a personality. You’ve even baked cookies before open homes. Still—crickets. Not even a lowball offer from someone’s nan. What gives?

Let’s get into some real-talk property truths (sprinkled with just enough sass to keep it fun).

1. 💰 Your Price is Scaring People Off

Look, I get it—you’ve seen what Bob down the road sold his for and you know your kitchen has nicer tiles. But pricing your property like it’s in Herne Bay when you’re in Henderson Heights is a fast track to ghost town.

Solution:

Have your agent (hello, that’s me 👋) do a Comparative Market Analysis. Pricing it just right often creates competition—and competition = $$$. Bonus tip: Pricing slightly under market can spark a bidding war. Yes please.

2. 🏚️ Your House Looks Like It’s Mid-2003

And not in the fun, nostalgic “Britney just dropped Toxic” way. More in the “everything is beige and floral curtains are still a thing” way.

Solution:

Staging. Matters. Even just removing clutter, updating light fixtures, or painting a feature wall can do wonders. Buyers need to see themselves living there—not wondering if Aunt Maureen still lives in the guest room.

3. 📸 Your Listing Photos Were Taken With a Potato

Photos sell the dream. If your listing looks like it was shot on a 2008 flip phone, you’re doing your home dirty.

Solution:

Professional photography is worth its weight in gold. I work with absolute wizards who can make your home look like it belongs on The Block. Let’s get that lighting, those angles, and that vibe sorted.

4. 🚪Open Homes Are… Awkward

Ever walked into an open home and the owners are still there, quietly sipping tea and pretending not to judge you? Yeah. Instant nope from buyers.

Solution:

Make it easy for people to view your home—without you hovering. Open homes, private viewings, twilight tours if needed. Let people feel the space without feeling watched.

5. 🐶 The Dog Smell (Sorry But Someone Had to Say It)

You might not smell it. But buyers do. Same goes for litter boxes, damp towels, and last night’s tikka masala leftovers. Buyers want “fresh”, not “funky”.

Solution:

Scent matters. Think fresh linen candles, open windows, and yes—even cookies in the oven if you’re feeling extra. We want noses on side.

6. 🔍 There’s a Red Flag in the Fine Print

Unconsented works? Cracks in the foundation? LIM report that reads like a Stephen King novel? These things will freak buyers out.

Solution:

Be upfront. Fix what you can, and disclose what you can’t. I can help guide you through what’s a dealbreaker and what’s not. Sometimes even a small repair or bit of transparency keeps the deal alive.

7. 🌍 It’s Not You, It’s the Market

Sometimes you can do everything right and still be waiting for Mr or Ms Right Buyer to walk through the door. The market is a fickle beast—rates, banks, economic vibes—it all plays a part.

Solution:

Stay the course, tweak your approach, and work with an agent who actually knows the West Auckland scene (hi again 👋). Marketing, timing, and strategy make the difference between stale listings and SOLD signs.

🏁 Final Thoughts from Your Friendly Local Real Estate Wizard

Selling your home doesn’t have to be soul-destroying. Sometimes it just takes a fresh set of eyes (mine), a few cheeky tweaks, and a smart strategy.

If your house is stuck in “unsold limbo” and you’re not sure what to do next, get in touch. I’ll bring the coffee, the real talk, and the plan to get that SOLD sticker up faster than you can say “conditional offer.”